Island of My Own

I need to tell you that i have gone back
out of my insanity
away from my crazy mind
and i walked backwards through the looking glass
and it seems to me that i have reached a peace that i cannot feel, that i cannot see
or touch
or share
and i feel like this little island of my own
drifts
flows further out to sea
not reaching for the main land
but for the center of the earth
not finding a steady motion
but speeding up
faster and faster until
i reached japan
and got off.
i saw a plane back home
but
no one way trips
so i couldn't come back, so i had to make a choice
in japan
on the eighteenth day of April
but in the year of two thousand and fifteen
so for now i wait
to reach for my heaven
and learn
not to get to close
not to ruin it all, like I did last may....

to just release

my breath

releasing all hallelujahs

releasing the heads of innocent strangers
not lusting upon them
not to be defeated anymore
by some random person
who lusted after me too
or so I thought
and to be tricked..
 okay, do you really know how being tricked feels like

let me tell you...

it feels like death

it feels like

like there isn't a place for me to escape to

no Paris to live in
no Spain to explore
no London to admire

but wait... i forget that New York is still there
a wide awake
insomniac
that daydreams with skyscrapers
so my next plane ticket will be to New York
not home