Inside A Vaulted Soul

I wake up in the middle of the night hearing my name being called...
....practically being chanted

so I approach the front door and swing it open...just an inch.
because... You know...I'm scared of the dark...

but I realize I see a dark ghost

a phantom of some sort

not with legs, but with wings.

a fallen angel that once knew the song of my heart
I guess.. instead of song, it was more like a key

a key

to my heart.

ask yourself one question.              why would I need a key to my heart.

      I locked it up long ago so that I could entrust you with a key.
but when you died, you took it with you

and we all need to realize how hard it is to break inside a vaulted soul.

in this case

it was impossible

and I guess that's why I am all alone.

because people take one look at the safe around my heart and tell themselves
that they cant break that.
its too hard.

and far across the distance, all the way from heaven. you held it in your hand.

and you jumped down from heaven,
knowing you couldn't go back

and so last night, you decided to bring me my key

and then disappear from me forever again.


now what?

do I finally get to open this vault, this safe, this prison.

just so I can see my heart in person,
so that I don't have dream about it anymore

why on earth would I not want to dream about my heart
and so that is why I locked the vault

and threw away the key

or at least..i hid it

because then if you really wanted to know more about me, you would have to search for it before you could really listen to beat of my heart, to the symphony played by my soul.

don't get offended

but that beat wasn't meant for you

its for me

so I can live
and someday, when you find yourself in a quiet room.

you can listen to the symphony played by a bleeding heart.

but this time.

maybe we can synchronize the pounding melody.
to the beat of our hearts

Death is My Narrator

It’s billowing up, blowing up, bearing forward. Growing bigger, and finding out its potential.

 

The hurricane

 

It’s time we leave. Before it is too late.

But it gets here too fast, and we are....surrounded!!

 

How did the eye of the storm stare us down for so long before it decided what he wanted to do.

Then you let go of my hand.

And he noticed

By the time I could reach for your hand again

The eye looked away.

And torment filled my mind.

I couldn't rush my mind fast enough to save you.

I look back before it came. And I remember seeing all the things I saw.

But because the storm grew bigger,

I can’t see the rainbows anymore

I can’t be your faith

I can’t read your mind

I can’t come to you and beg

I can’t be the person who is chasing after you

And I cannot feel you standing next to me

Not in this open valley

Not here

Not now

 And even after everything passed, even though I could finally see the purple haze of the rainbow once again

 I didn't see you anymore

who are you!?! stranger from my dreams!!!

im bleeding                                                                                                
                                   
                                                                                                                 bleeding bad
              
go get the first aide kit                                                                                                           

                                                                          but you come back wounded also                        
                                   
                

                                  
                                                                             and you are bleeding worse                      
                                                                                                                
you show me your hands,      with blood all over them
sopping wet as if it were as water in the ocean
                                              
                                                            
                                             
                                                             
                                                 
dead                                      
                             
                                  
                              
then I realized                                                                     
                                                            ...................I loved you                           
                                                          
                                                    
                             
and you sat there dead on valentines day                             leaving me                                     
                           
                                
to die all by myself                              
                                      
don't count on it                                   
I get up and walk past your dead body, my feet dragging through the puddles of your blood                         
                         
I walk on                                     
into the distance,                           

                                                                                                   and die on the horizon       
                                                       
just fifty feet from you                                      
                         
                                                                 in a new light             
                                                                           I wake up                         
screaming
but. Where did you go                                 
who was this individual                
where did they come from            
why did I have such strong emotions                 
when they died            
I could have been just like a movie             
where I sat there and watched you die, but no            
I sat there and became broken            
the dream continued for weeks on end,                                     
every   single     night                 
and I couldn't figure out                                               
                               
                                                       
who are you, stranger?                                      

vendetta of blood

they say your vendetta has never been so keen, so mysterious. and that no one wants to mess with you because of the problem you once had and what you used to do? you messed with my head. telling me that they were wrong, that they were lying to my face. but what I didn't realize is that you were the one who was actually lying to my face, who was speaking words that didn't flow through your teeth right, that didn't seem to finish correctly or fit together.
but I give you a cup in one hand, and I filled it with water (remember this for later) so that we would feel like we were actually doing something right together, even though it makes no sense, but you will see later. anyways as I was saying

nothing fits together anymore



what!?!

                                                                                                                          why?!


                                       that doesn't seem right.

now go

that unison with the elephants never became so intense, so fierce, so pounding

pounding
pounding
like blood through my hand and feet, like runners through the longest 5k of there lives, but then you fall off of a cliff and die...or at least you are unconscious, by the grand canyon, but then you felt thrilled, because you fell. and its over, the pain, its over!!
(a little poem by yours truly)
everyone falls, everyone dies
everyone seems to want to soar through the skies
yet everyone calls...from each end of the earth
then they see each other
fresh from giving birth
rather that they smother, the new mother

she actually dies from blood loss

and at the same time
god welcomes her

its a beautiful tragedy.

basically amazing, yet simplicity is the killer

so when I say 'the end'

maybe ill let you listen a bit longer

just out of pity.
but I'm joking, I honestly don't like you at all
pretty much...well..to say it more kindly...


yea, you're a bitch

haha yep... now shut the full cup.

How to Slap the Dead Flowers out of my Hands

I am dead

I am crying

I am lying over a cliff, soaring down through the wind

I am finding myself questioning the existence of my own soul, creativity, love, only reading the words in my head.

I am liking the words on my mind better than a book.


I am rushing the people. into the wall, where I become insane again

blood, sins, death, knives, hearts, fire, water, drowning.

drowning.              drowning.                               death.

falling.                  to the ocean floor.


screaming,                                                   but no one can hear me

then I look over                             whales                                                all around

and I can finally hear them                           and its beautiful





I think I might just stay here      under the water      where I can can can can can can can


                                   be with the whales.

Saving The Destroyed Individual

I think about when I was with you. You seemed to have become my savior, you know. Because you saved me. That night when you were there when I needed you, and without me thinking about you, I would have ended it. But since I knew about the feelings we had felt and because I had become aware of my emotions, I realized that I had become completely. Warm. Just on the inside, where the blood flows, you know, through that one thing called the.. Heart.

Why do I feel like I have two...I don't know,  probably because I missed having one so much that it's kinda making up for it

But what happened

The realzation that you didn't care about me,

But read back to the time that the animals ripped my heart out, they didn't just rip it out,

The destroyed it

They destroyed any hope of trust and life, and I became a complete lunatic.

I guess I never realized that since my heart was destroyed, I needed to find a new one.

But when did I stoop as low as the animals enough to reach into someone else's mind through there head and tear there heart out, slowly.

How cruel.

How betraying

How selfish.

But why did I care.

That's what I felt, until I stole their heart.

Then I fell down to the floor and hurt my knees, because my sanity came back, and that was the price of love.... Or liking

Liking is pretty expensive also

So this was where we stood, until I felt...nothing...again.

im done.
make it an ending.
so....all there is to do now is...
the end?